"I'm all thumbs."

I think a reevaluation of the phrase is in order.
Think of the grip you would have if you were in fact 'all thumbs'.

You'd be an Olympic gold medalist Jar Opener.

"Watch me change the oil filter on this car!" Bam. One twist.
People would line up for a massage from you.
In the kitchen,your hands would double as food processors.

Ending a job interview with an 'all thumbs' handshake would not only get you the job, but you'd probably be hired for a better position than the one you interviewed for.

You'd never fumble the ball.
You'd win every UFC fight you entered.
You'd be able to survive indefinitely in the wild with nothing but your hands ... living on bear meat.

All types of removal would generally be easier...
Drywall removal
Tree removal
Illegally parked motor scooter removal.

"I'm all thumbs."

Dangerous.
If you're 'all thumbs'... I'm staying out of your way.
Don't touch my baby.
Don't knock on my door.
Don't use my utensils.
Don't test my watermelons for ripeness at the grocery store.
Don't type on my keyboard.
Don't open a Coke near me.

Politically Incorrect Family Feud

So in the spirit of intimate & interactive blogs,
I thought we'd play a game.
There's not as much thinking involved this week...
no saber-tooth tigers, no 'drinking' dogs.

You all know how the game Family Feud works right?
Now, what if the surveys were slightly on the unethical side?
That would certainly add a twist to things.

I wrote these survey questions a little while ago.
Feel free to shout out your best guess as you read each one.

Ready?

Something that blind people tend to use more of...

A crime that white people are more likely to be arrested for...

An ethnic food that give you the squirts...

A common word shouted during sexual intercourse...

A profession in which the majority of people are obese...

A popular game played by poor children...

Survey says.....

It's Your Festival

I can't study because I'm busy thinking of stupid things.
Help me out here...

When is it not ok to smile?

• When being assaulted in public (people witnessing will get the wrong idea and maybe not help you)
  
• When there is an abundance of seats on the bus and the next guy who comes on sits right next to you (Nelle)
• In a funeral procession (danielha)
• 
  

When you give a dog food, you are feeding it.
When you give a dog water, you are ______ it .

• drinking it (Rob)
• hydrating it (Gravey)
• watering it (Nelle)
  
• giving it water (Ange)
• 
  

If we (humans) were wild animals at some point in history,
how was evolving a necessary 8 hour sleep period
of near-unconscious beneficial? Why weren't we all killed
by saber-tooth tigers while we slept all night like idiots.

• We can't see at night (Russell)
• We evolved the ability to build protective shelters to sleep in
• Saber-Tooth's also slept for 8 hour periods, so we slept at the same time (Nelle)
• We had the PowerRangers watching our backs (Gravey)
• 
  

These things keep me up at night.
Your thoughts would be more than appreciated.

The Gospel According to Prejudice

What did everyone have against tax collectors in biblical times?
It was their JOB to collect money from you, they weren’t trying to wrong you!
I don’t give the mail man a piece of my mind when he brings the bills, do I?
Ok, money was tight. A few tax collectors may have skimmed from the top. Pinched, if you will.
But if ANY ONE of those poor people scored a job as a tax collector… They’d do the same thing!
If I was a peasant living in a sand hut in Israel during Jesus-time, and my son came home and said

“Dad… I killed the interview! I got the job! I’m a tax collector!”

You know what I’d do?

My Lotto 649 happy dance.